When it doesn’t work out with someone, whether it is a potential new romantic relationship or any other encounter with a friend or colleague, take note of the signs so as not to repeat the same cycle again. Have you ever met someone of whom you really liked? The conversation is fluid, you both have so much in common, you just feel plain giddy around this person. Perhaps everything you have visualized seems to have come true in this relationship. As a women’s empowerment consultant, I have had the experience of these interactions with both potential lovers and colleagues. The cautionary sign now for me is if my external talk says, “I really like this person” and my internal talk is having a dialogue with this person or I am recognizing a repeated pattern, I need to caution. I usually find myself feeling anxious, disappointed, hurt or sad. I know then that this person is what I like to call a healing mirror.
A healing mirror is someone who has a lot in common with you, perhaps your lives are very much in sync, things you like to do, your childhood circumstances, your professional attributes, or at least what I have observed to be true. These seem to be the people we find ourselves most attracted too, almost addicted too. What the healing mirror provides is an opportunity for you to HEAL your old beliefs and self talk. This person probably won’t be able to give you what you need (well actually that answer may be subjective for each person depending on the situation and people), but on a deep level, you are attracted to this person because there are still things of your past that need to be healed. For example: beliefs of not being good enough, or worthy, so maybe you attract someone who is unable to provide that for you at that time and you feel rejected. If you can recognize the dynamics, then you know that these people aren’t bad people, because if that is the case then you are avoiding and not dealing with a part of yourself that this person only put up a healing mirror too.
My great uncle Willie, a Benedictine Monk used to say “Thank those people as they were your greatest teachers”. They provide the greatest opportunity for self growth. Now it doesn’t mean you have to throw a red carpet down and honor them, because most likely there is no REAL relationship with the person. But I wonder if we are to change our thoughts process, our responses to the situation, if these relationships can have a future and be beautiful or is it by changing our self talk we just attract a whole new caliber of a person? Something to ponder….
If you find yourself in a relationship similar to this or have seen yourself in a pattern of these, the obsession or need to be with the person who is not providing what you need is about YOU. It is time to refocus your attention on taking care of YOU, your needs, your heart, your goals, your desires. The more your take care of you, the more desirable you will be to any future lover. Try to avoid the emotional reactions which we so easily do, and instead step back and observe what it is you are feeling, what it is they are saying. With every statement find a reframe for yourself and with every statement try to broadcast what they are showing and use “I” statements in what you may be feeling. This is not always easy to do, and I admit has been one of my shortcomings. This might even be a chance to go back into your past to see where you have experienced this feeling before and see if you can fill yourself with the unmet need you are so desperately seeking from this other person.
SatNam – Be in Your True Essence
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