Posts Tagged 'Body Image'

I Am Beautiful in My Own Skin: How to Maintain a Healthy Body Image a midst a Partner’s Negative Criticism.

How we feel about ourselves has a direct correlation with the health of our bodies. Whether it is self-inflicted or someone is constantly badgering us with the message, it creates low self-esteem and self-doubt creating an internal dialogue of emotional dis-ease. For the first time in my life I was told by a boyfriend that I was fat. In my eyes I didn’t see myself as a fat person. I have been blessed with a good metabolism and my father’s genes in maintaining a slender/average physique. People used to tell me I was too skinny.

My ex boyfriend used to say my stomach was not flat enough and my butt was not tight enough and I found myself constantly defending my body and wanting him to have a different perception, telling him that I was not fat. Look at me, I would say “I am not fat, I have a nice body”. Hours upon hours scrutinizing in front of the mirror at my flawed body that seemed fine to me. I was in total shock that he saw me like this. I felt hurt. I felt like what is wrong with my body? I felt that I am not good enough for him. That I must keep working harder to have the body that he wants. I think how other men find my body sexy and don’t scroll over every detail of it. I think how some men would be stoked to have a woman like me and my sexy svelte curvacious womanly body. I think that he is crazy for not perceiving me as having a beautiful body already. I ended up working my butt of with a personal trainer for 3 months in order to tone my body and after all of that I never felt that he praised or acknowledged my efforts and nothing had really changed.

Cha – Ching! This is when the light bulb came on and when I realized the change then became about me. I realized at that point that it was not my body. He may have had his own preferences. But I became okay with that. I could do everything imaginable to be toned and perfect, but there was something underlying in our dynamics between us, orders from the universe, that presented this opportunity for me. The dialogue that “I was not good enough for him” and the reactions in defense of my body all needed to change. I also had to ask myself why the hell am I with a man that finds me less than perfect. But what he didn’t realize was that I am perfect just to way I am. I AM BEAUTIFUL IN MY OWN SKIN! He wants something that I am not. He wants a digital image of some perfect body that you find in magazines. I could keep working my butt off to have that body, but then I would ask myself what does he really love. Will he fall in love only when I am successful and have the perfect body. It is a lot to live up to. It is damn exhausting. To have to keep knowing that you are not there yet and only are seen to have potential.

I say to myself that I am only hurting myself by allowing myself to feel that I am not good enough in my body. I am attracting again another relationship that makes me feel lower in my self esteem and I am accepting it. This time it has become about my body. I can not accept this voice in my head that allows him to take control over my perception of my body. I will not allow myself to obsess over it. I am grateful that I even have a body and that is healthy. This is his opinion only. This is his visual. I must separate myself from this. My transformation began when I changed my reaction and I changed my feelings about myself. Interestingly, I then attracted a man who absolutely loved every thing about my body.

I love the excerpt from “Marilyn Monroe….the worlds biggest icon! Her tummy isn’t tightly toned, her thighs touch, her arms aren’t skinny, she has stretch marks and her boobs aren’t perky. She is known as one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL women in history. Be confident girls. You are HOT, you are SEXY, you are a Marilyn so do not let any man, media or moment of judgement ever take away your confidence!” ♥ EL

So let’s begin ladies, please repeat “I know that I am beautiful and healthy. I know that no one can every make me feel bad about myself, as long as I feel good about me.” Sexy and beautiful emanates from the inside. If you feel beautiful on the inside, your will be perceived as beautiful on the outside. If you current partner doesn’t see that, it might be time to toss him aside and find someone who does. If you are currently in a relationship and receiving criticism you can ask yourself 1. What feelings can I change that will make me feel okay about my body in this relationship? 2. How can I change my reaction that will make me feel okay about my body, despite his perception. For example, “Sure honey, whatever you say, I like my body and I am happy with it.” 3.What circumstances must I change? Remember our bodies may not be the same at 20 as it is a 40. As we age our body is befitting to our evolution and transformation of new experiences and changing values.

For more information about Ho’ano Wellness Counseling and Life Coaching services with Jennifer Andrea, visit

– the inner voice of guidance and teaching that is awakened within you as you develop the potentials of your Soul or Higher Self.


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