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Letting go of toxic ties as an opportunity to find YOU: These people are your greatest teachers.

When it doesn’t work out with someone, whether it is a potential new romantic relationship or any other encounter with a friend or colleague, take note of the signs so as not to repeat the same cycle again. Have you ever met someone of whom you really liked? The conversation is fluid, you both have so much in common, you just feel plain giddy around this person. Perhaps everything you have visualized seems to have come true in this relationship. As a women’s empowerment consultant, I have had the experience of these interactions with both potential lovers and colleagues. The cautionary sign now for me is if my external talk says, “I really like this person” and my internal talk is having a dialogue with this person or I am recognizing a repeated pattern, I need to caution. I usually find myself feeling anxious, disappointed, hurt or sad. I know then that this person is what I like to call a healing mirror.

A healing mirror is someone who has a lot in common with you, perhaps your lives are very much in sync, things you like to do, your childhood circumstances, your professional attributes, or at least what I have observed to be true. These seem to be the people we find ourselves most attracted too, almost addicted too. What the healing mirror provides is an opportunity for you to HEAL your old beliefs and self talk. This person probably won’t be able to give you what you need (well actually that answer may be subjective for each person depending on the situation and people), but on a deep level, you are attracted to this person because there are still things of your past that need to be healed. For example: beliefs of not being good enough, or worthy, so maybe you attract someone who is unable to provide that for you at that time and you feel rejected. If you can recognize the dynamics, then you know that these people aren’t bad people, because if that is the case then you are avoiding and not dealing with a part of yourself that this person only put up a healing mirror too.

My great uncle Willie, a Benedictine Monk used to say “Thank those people as they were your greatest teachers”. They provide the greatest opportunity for self growth. Now it doesn’t mean you have to throw a red carpet down and honor them, because most likely there is no REAL relationship with the person. But I wonder if we are to change our thoughts process, our responses to the situation, if these relationships can have a future and be beautiful or is it by changing our self talk we just attract a whole new caliber of a person? Something to ponder….

If you find yourself in a relationship similar to this or have seen yourself in a pattern of these, the obsession or need to be with the person who is not providing what you need is about YOU. It is time to refocus your attention on taking care of YOU, your needs, your heart, your goals, your desires. The more your take care of you, the more desirable you will be to any future lover. Try to avoid the emotional reactions which we so easily do, and instead step back and observe what it is you are feeling, what it is they are saying. With every statement find a reframe for yourself and with every statement try to broadcast what they are showing and use “I” statements in what you may be feeling. This is not always easy to do, and I admit has been one of my shortcomings. This might even be a chance to go back into your past to see where you have experienced this feeling before and see if you can fill yourself with the unmet need you are so desperately seeking from this other person.

SatNam – Be in Your True Essence

Learn more about Personal Development Consulting and Emotional Healing Sessions by visiting http://www.hoano.com/MotivationLifeCoaching.htm:
Are you ready to increase your self worth by cultivating self love. Speak your truth and own your power by letting go of toxic ties, old beliefs and emotional blocks no longer serving you. Book a 20 min Free Consultation to see how a Heart Centered Wellness approach can help you through dialogue, imagery and reframe to shift your energy and vibration towards a more empowered you.

I Am Beautiful in My Own Skin: How to Maintain a Healthy Body Image a midst a Partner’s Negative Criticism.

How we feel about ourselves has a direct correlation with the health of our bodies. Whether it is self-inflicted or someone is constantly badgering us with the message, it creates low self-esteem and self-doubt creating an internal dialogue of emotional dis-ease. For the first time in my life I was told by a boyfriend that I was fat. In my eyes I didn’t see myself as a fat person. I have been blessed with a good metabolism and my father’s genes in maintaining a slender/average physique. People used to tell me I was too skinny.

My ex boyfriend used to say my stomach was not flat enough and my butt was not tight enough and I found myself constantly defending my body and wanting him to have a different perception, telling him that I was not fat. Look at me, I would say “I am not fat, I have a nice body”. Hours upon hours scrutinizing in front of the mirror at my flawed body that seemed fine to me. I was in total shock that he saw me like this. I felt hurt. I felt like what is wrong with my body? I felt that I am not good enough for him. That I must keep working harder to have the body that he wants. I think how other men find my body sexy and don’t scroll over every detail of it. I think how some men would be stoked to have a woman like me and my sexy svelte curvacious womanly body. I think that he is crazy for not perceiving me as having a beautiful body already. I ended up working my butt of with a personal trainer for 3 months in order to tone my body and after all of that I never felt that he praised or acknowledged my efforts and nothing had really changed.

Cha – Ching! This is when the light bulb came on and when I realized the change then became about me. I realized at that point that it was not my body. He may have had his own preferences. But I became okay with that. I could do everything imaginable to be toned and perfect, but there was something underlying in our dynamics between us, orders from the universe, that presented this opportunity for me. The dialogue that “I was not good enough for him” and the reactions in defense of my body all needed to change. I also had to ask myself why the hell am I with a man that finds me less than perfect. But what he didn’t realize was that I am perfect just to way I am. I AM BEAUTIFUL IN MY OWN SKIN! He wants something that I am not. He wants a digital image of some perfect body that you find in magazines. I could keep working my butt off to have that body, but then I would ask myself what does he really love. Will he fall in love only when I am successful and have the perfect body. It is a lot to live up to. It is damn exhausting. To have to keep knowing that you are not there yet and only are seen to have potential.

I say to myself that I am only hurting myself by allowing myself to feel that I am not good enough in my body. I am attracting again another relationship that makes me feel lower in my self esteem and I am accepting it. This time it has become about my body. I can not accept this voice in my head that allows him to take control over my perception of my body. I will not allow myself to obsess over it. I am grateful that I even have a body and that is healthy. This is his opinion only. This is his visual. I must separate myself from this. My transformation began when I changed my reaction and I changed my feelings about myself. Interestingly, I then attracted a man who absolutely loved every thing about my body.

I love the excerpt from EmpoweredLiving.net.au “Marilyn Monroe….the worlds biggest icon! Her tummy isn’t tightly toned, her thighs touch, her arms aren’t skinny, she has stretch marks and her boobs aren’t perky. She is known as one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL women in history. Be confident girls. You are HOT, you are SEXY, you are a Marilyn so do not let any man, media or moment of judgement ever take away your confidence!” ♥ EL

So let’s begin ladies, please repeat “I know that I am beautiful and healthy. I know that no one can every make me feel bad about myself, as long as I feel good about me.” Sexy and beautiful emanates from the inside. If you feel beautiful on the inside, your will be perceived as beautiful on the outside. If you current partner doesn’t see that, it might be time to toss him aside and find someone who does. If you are currently in a relationship and receiving criticism you can ask yourself 1. What feelings can I change that will make me feel okay about my body in this relationship? 2. How can I change my reaction that will make me feel okay about my body, despite his perception. For example, “Sure honey, whatever you say, I like my body and I am happy with it.” 3.What circumstances must I change? Remember our bodies may not be the same at 20 as it is a 40. As we age our body is befitting to our evolution and transformation of new experiences and changing values.

For more information about Ho’ano Wellness Counseling and Life Coaching services with Jennifer Andrea, visit http://www.hoano.com/MotivationLifeCoaching.htm.

Satsang
– the inner voice of guidance and teaching that is awakened within you as you develop the potentials of your Soul or Higher Self.

Heal Your Emotional Heart, Today

Heal Your Emotional Heart

Have you ever felt betrayed, hurt or disappointed by another person? Harboring feelings inflicted by another will keep us in a negative self-image because we begin to identify with what someone else has done or said to us. A few weeks ago I went to Hawaii to visit an old male friend who was interested in exploring our compatibility. We had an amazing first week together, then I started to notice little actions on his part that were not serving me. He became unreliable, unresponsive and distant. I responded by feeling hurt, stating my hurt and asking why this person was not showing up for me.

This person could not give me what I needed because he was going through some major healing of his own after a long relationship.Instead of finding love with him, I found a new love of myself in which I was able to say NO, change my reactions, and make decisions on the rest of the trip to take care of myself, not waiting for this person to show up. My past self would have felt rejected, hurt and dissapointed. But instead, I found myself recognizing that his traits and actions had no influence on who I know to be as a person and what I deserve. I changed when I least expected and feel stronger than ever in my ability to choose what supports me. 

By separating yourself from the pain and hurtful remarks inflicted upon by others, we are able to see it as a memory, and not hold on to the feeling which will only limit and sabotage us from living full and meaningful lives. In doing so, you change your vibration and create a new self-image, attracting relationships that will be loving and supportive. Instead of saying “I am hurt”, I am now saying “That did not serve me and I am okay to move on and surround myself with people that do.” As we reframe old beliefs with new ones, change what we think about what someone else’s remarks or actions mean, let go of toxic ties, forgive others and oneself, we are able to be happier whether we are with or without someone in our lives. The feeling is something we create. Our goal is to be left with the memory and no pain at all.

How Bodywork, Wellness Counseling and Heart Centered Therapy Services can support you in Healing your Emotional Heart.

I am so impressed by the courageousness of some of my clients who have sought out bodywork services with me in order to heal physical ailments that they know are associated with past emotional trauma.  Self-acceptance, being able to let go of the past, the ability to ask for what they need or to speak what is on their mind are just some of the positive new changes that I have witnessed. Bodywork also can allow for a safe and nurturing touch to enter one’s life, by releasing old aches associated with painful memories.

Wellness Counseling attracts healthy individuals who seek change, but are feeling stuck or can’t seem to stop unwanted behavior patterns. Wellness Counseling asks questions to help reframe thoughts, behaviors and circumstances in achieving what a person wants or how they want to perceive a situation or a part of thyself. Individuals who aspire toward further self-fulfillment, but do not require psychologcial services for treatment of diagnosable conditions. Tap into your higher self to find clarity and achieve what you want in life.

Heart Centered Therapy is a loving and gentle approach to emotional healing, holding profound insight into the “Psychology of the Human Heart.” HCT involves dialogue techniques that bring healing to our deepest spiritual-emotional wounds that have blocked us from realizing our full potential and purpose in life. The healing involves not only the individual, but everyone that has been involved in the trauma, embracing the immediate family, lineage, and the collective consciousness through transformation of the whole being.

To learn more about Wellness Counseling services offered by Jennifer Telford, please visit http://www.hoano.com/MotivationLifeCoaching.htm

Heart Centered Therapy services are also available. Please inquire within by visiting Hoano
Skype and phone sessions available.

Creating a New Paradigm on the Cure for Breast Cancer

Essential to every woman is the care of her breasts! Whether small or large, breasts enhance the beauty of a woman’s body. They symbolize nurturance, pleasure and love. We love the way our breasts look in a low neck line dress, their delicate bounce and delightful curves. Our breasts are precious jewels and they are ours to keep.

Breast Cancer has become an epidemic in our society. An important cause for awareness supported by non-profits, benefits, fundraisers, walks and lots of money raised to find a cure. These events and organizations inspire hope within individuals who may have known or lost someone to breast cancer or may even be a survivor. A hope that one day a cure might be found to eliminate this disease that takes breasts and lives. Though there is no accurate reason for the cause of breast cancer, breast cancer incidence is influenced by family genes, not having children before the age of 35, and taking birth control pills in the early 20’s. Other breast cancer risk factors include inadequate diet, environmental toxins, metabolic and hormonal imbalances, synthetic hormones, and chronic stress to our emotional well-being.

Our present health care system stresses the importance of early detection and breast screening through mammograms and breast self-exams. Mammograms are able to detect calcifications and lumps in the breast, though there is controversy about the effects of radiation on the breast tissue and the accuracy of these x-rays on women with dense breast tissue. Breast ultrasounds and MRI’s offer alternative screening options for women with denser breast tissue. I heard at one point the American Cancer Society was discouraging breast self-exams as a form of early detection for breast cancer screening. This concerns me because I feel that every component of preventative breast screening is necessary in helping us to detect if there is a lump in the breast. Eliminating breast self-exams disconnects us from our bodies making us completely unfamiliar with our breast anatomy while diminishing our innate intuitive wisdom which is a woman’s most powerful attribute.

Conventional breast self-exams are a powerful tool to learning what normal breast tissue feels like and to respond proactively when a change occurs. Most women that I have encountered are fearful when the topic of breast exams are discussed. We are fearful because we are unfamiliar with what normal tissue feels like and what we may discover. Empowering oneself by learning the structure and function of the breast as well being comfortable palpating the breast tissue will allow us to respond thoughtfully if a change occurs in the breast.

Many people believe that breast cancer is something external to us and a cure will be found to end it all. That we need to fight and beat this disease. What about embracing breast cancer and recognizing that one’s body is sending a message of an imbalance. That our health is not just some external thing that happens to us, it is a manifestation of our lives, experiences, and emotions. We know our bodies better that anyone and we have the power to change it.

It is important that we focus our energy, money and efforts in creating breast health. This means on a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical level. Let’s stop waiting till we get breast cancer to take care of ourselves. Fortunately there is more awareness of how one can make healthy lifestyle changes in promoting breast wellness through articles in health magazines, the internet, wellness programs and organizations through cancer eliminating foods, low fat diets, green tea, flax, omega 3 fatty acids and exercise. The Breast Cancer Fund and the Campaign for Safer Cosmetic is working hard to create awareness on the plight of toxins in our cosmetics and personal care products. This awareness is the start of a global shift of consciousness as we rethink breast cancer.

In creating a new paradigm on the cure for breast cancer we must first start by:

1. Eliminating old stigmas from society, culture and our own personal experiences that has influenced how we view breasts. These old perceptions are based on fear and sexual objectification and are affecting how women think and care for their breasts. Women are afraid to touch their breasts for fear of finding something or if new concepts of touch are suggested that could benefits the health of breast tissue, women are hesistant because cultural programming considers this taboo. We need to recognize that breasts have specific health needs and are an appendage to a woman’s body for the purpose of nourishing a child.

2. To become aware of how our emotional well-being is strongly interlaced with our physical well-being. The power of the mind, what we feel and think about, our emotional stress and how we respond to it plays an important role in the health of our bodies. Studies show that women who get breast cancer nurture everyone else but themselves. The breasts are symbols of nourishments. What an irony that the cancer would attack the breasts when we don’t give nurturing to ourselves. The inability for a women to nurture herself is a major component affecting our heart chakra, our source of love. The messages that our body sends through disease may be a sign of an emotional issue that needs healing. Making positive changes that support our emotional needs can help treat imbalances before they manifest physically. Eastern medicine also suggests that breast related conditions are a result of emotional frustration, hurt, sadness, and anger causing our liver to become stagnant. As a result the breasts become a waste receptacle to toxins in the body showing the interconnection between the mind and body.

By listening to our bodies we can recognize symptoms of an emotional imbalance. The pain might be a holding pattern that has reoccured and finally needs to be healed. Maybe a pattern in our relationships with family or lovers or our own self worth. How we change is up to us. We need to have a vision of what we want and recognize what might be hindering that. We need to change our thought patterns and behaviors. Our unconscious core beliefs that may be sabotaging or limiting ourselves need to be healed. Perhaps we need to use our voice in a relationship to build our self-esteem or to leave a situation that is not serving us may be necessary in order to replenish our energy.

3. Educate women about the benefits of a lymphatic based breast massage, a complementary modality to breast care that provides an effective means in preventing and alleviating common breast related conditions and may offer a measure against breast cancer. If you have ever received a massage you know that massage increases blood circulation while eliminating toxins from the lymphatic system which is our detox system of the body. Breasts are soft tissue like anywhere else in the body and have specific health needs. Breasts have no inherent musculature so are dependent upon good circulation for optimal health. The natural peristaltic rhythm of our breasts can often get compromised due to factors like emotional stress, poor posture, tight brassieres, toxin in our foods and personal care products, and trauma. These waste materials can accumulate in the tissue causing stagnancy and buildup. A lymphatic based breast massage with nourishing herbal oils can provide a simple and effective way to ease benign conditions of the breast and may provide a preventative measure against breast cancer.

Benefits include:

  • Alleviates premenstrual pain and discomfort associated with breasts
  • May help reduce fibroids and cysts
  • Ease lumpiness of fibrocystic breasts
  • Balancing effect on the hormones
  • Improves breast size and shape
  • Increased oxygen and nutrients
  • Eases lymphatic congestion
  • Promotes relaxation
  • May help reduce scars and stretchmarks
  • Encourages familiarity with one’s body and cultivates a healthy body image
  • Encourages lymphatic circulation and relieves pain for post-surgery healing
  • Acceptance of one’s body for post-oncological healing

4. Be informed and take personal breast health care into your own hands. Education and awareness are foremost. Let’s focus on health prevention and maintenance with healthy food, supplements, hormonal balance, exercise, emotional and spiritual cleansing, reducing our exposure to toxins in our environment and chemicals in our household and personal care products, recognize the importance of self-breast massage and nourishing organic herbal oils to improve the health of the breast tissue, acupuncture, chinese medicine, and energy healing. Let’s be guided by our vision and the power of our intention that we can create health for a lifetime.

Article written by Jennifer Telford L.M.T, C.W.C, a women’s health and empowerment advocate whose vision is to unite women in creating a new paradigm on the cure for breast cancer by educating women about a new model of breast care that encourages women to think differently in how we care for our breasts.

Visit us at www.hoano.com



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