Posts Tagged 'relationships'

Letting go of toxic ties as an opportunity to find YOU: These people are your greatest teachers.

When it doesn’t work out with someone, whether it is a potential new romantic relationship or any other encounter with a friend or colleague, take note of the signs so as not to repeat the same cycle again. Have you ever met someone of whom you really liked? The conversation is fluid, you both have so much in common, you just feel plain giddy around this person. Perhaps everything you have visualized seems to have come true in this relationship. As a women’s empowerment consultant, I have had the experience of these interactions with both potential lovers and colleagues. The cautionary sign now for me is if my external talk says, “I really like this person” and my internal talk is having a dialogue with this person or I am recognizing a repeated pattern, I need to caution. I usually find myself feeling anxious, disappointed, hurt or sad. I know then that this person is what I like to call a healing mirror.

A healing mirror is someone who has a lot in common with you, perhaps your lives are very much in sync, things you like to do, your childhood circumstances, your professional attributes, or at least what I have observed to be true. These seem to be the people we find ourselves most attracted too, almost addicted too. What the healing mirror provides is an opportunity for you to HEAL your old beliefs and self talk. This person probably won’t be able to give you what you need (well actually that answer may be subjective for each person depending on the situation and people), but on a deep level, you are attracted to this person because there are still things of your past that need to be healed. For example: beliefs of not being good enough, or worthy, so maybe you attract someone who is unable to provide that for you at that time and you feel rejected. If you can recognize the dynamics, then you know that these people aren’t bad people, because if that is the case then you are avoiding and not dealing with a part of yourself that this person only put up a healing mirror too.

My great uncle Willie, a Benedictine Monk used to say “Thank those people as they were your greatest teachers”. They provide the greatest opportunity for self growth. Now it doesn’t mean you have to throw a red carpet down and honor them, because most likely there is no REAL relationship with the person. But I wonder if we are to change our thoughts process, our responses to the situation, if these relationships can have a future and be beautiful or is it by changing our self talk we just attract a whole new caliber of a person? Something to ponder….

If you find yourself in a relationship similar to this or have seen yourself in a pattern of these, the obsession or need to be with the person who is not providing what you need is about YOU. It is time to refocus your attention on taking care of YOU, your needs, your heart, your goals, your desires. The more your take care of you, the more desirable you will be to any future lover. Try to avoid the emotional reactions which we so easily do, and instead step back and observe what it is you are feeling, what it is they are saying. With every statement find a reframe for yourself and with every statement try to broadcast what they are showing and use “I” statements in what you may be feeling. This is not always easy to do, and I admit has been one of my shortcomings. This might even be a chance to go back into your past to see where you have experienced this feeling before and see if you can fill yourself with the unmet need you are so desperately seeking from this other person.

SatNam – Be in Your True Essence

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Are you ready to increase your self worth by cultivating self love. Speak your truth and own your power by letting go of toxic ties, old beliefs and emotional blocks no longer serving you. Book a 20 min Free Consultation to see how a Heart Centered Wellness approach can help you through dialogue, imagery and reframe to shift your energy and vibration towards a more empowered you.


I Am Beautiful in My Own Skin: How to Maintain a Healthy Body Image a midst a Partner’s Negative Criticism.

How we feel about ourselves has a direct correlation with the health of our bodies. Whether it is self-inflicted or someone is constantly badgering us with the message, it creates low self-esteem and self-doubt creating an internal dialogue of emotional dis-ease. For the first time in my life I was told by a boyfriend that I was fat. In my eyes I didn’t see myself as a fat person. I have been blessed with a good metabolism and my father’s genes in maintaining a slender/average physique. People used to tell me I was too skinny.

My ex boyfriend used to say my stomach was not flat enough and my butt was not tight enough and I found myself constantly defending my body and wanting him to have a different perception, telling him that I was not fat. Look at me, I would say “I am not fat, I have a nice body”. Hours upon hours scrutinizing in front of the mirror at my flawed body that seemed fine to me. I was in total shock that he saw me like this. I felt hurt. I felt like what is wrong with my body? I felt that I am not good enough for him. That I must keep working harder to have the body that he wants. I think how other men find my body sexy and don’t scroll over every detail of it. I think how some men would be stoked to have a woman like me and my sexy svelte curvacious womanly body. I think that he is crazy for not perceiving me as having a beautiful body already. I ended up working my butt of with a personal trainer for 3 months in order to tone my body and after all of that I never felt that he praised or acknowledged my efforts and nothing had really changed.

Cha – Ching! This is when the light bulb came on and when I realized the change then became about me. I realized at that point that it was not my body. He may have had his own preferences. But I became okay with that. I could do everything imaginable to be toned and perfect, but there was something underlying in our dynamics between us, orders from the universe, that presented this opportunity for me. The dialogue that “I was not good enough for him” and the reactions in defense of my body all needed to change. I also had to ask myself why the hell am I with a man that finds me less than perfect. But what he didn’t realize was that I am perfect just to way I am. I AM BEAUTIFUL IN MY OWN SKIN! He wants something that I am not. He wants a digital image of some perfect body that you find in magazines. I could keep working my butt off to have that body, but then I would ask myself what does he really love. Will he fall in love only when I am successful and have the perfect body. It is a lot to live up to. It is damn exhausting. To have to keep knowing that you are not there yet and only are seen to have potential.

I say to myself that I am only hurting myself by allowing myself to feel that I am not good enough in my body. I am attracting again another relationship that makes me feel lower in my self esteem and I am accepting it. This time it has become about my body. I can not accept this voice in my head that allows him to take control over my perception of my body. I will not allow myself to obsess over it. I am grateful that I even have a body and that is healthy. This is his opinion only. This is his visual. I must separate myself from this. My transformation began when I changed my reaction and I changed my feelings about myself. Interestingly, I then attracted a man who absolutely loved every thing about my body.

I love the excerpt from “Marilyn Monroe….the worlds biggest icon! Her tummy isn’t tightly toned, her thighs touch, her arms aren’t skinny, she has stretch marks and her boobs aren’t perky. She is known as one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL women in history. Be confident girls. You are HOT, you are SEXY, you are a Marilyn so do not let any man, media or moment of judgement ever take away your confidence!” ♥ EL

So let’s begin ladies, please repeat “I know that I am beautiful and healthy. I know that no one can every make me feel bad about myself, as long as I feel good about me.” Sexy and beautiful emanates from the inside. If you feel beautiful on the inside, your will be perceived as beautiful on the outside. If you current partner doesn’t see that, it might be time to toss him aside and find someone who does. If you are currently in a relationship and receiving criticism you can ask yourself 1. What feelings can I change that will make me feel okay about my body in this relationship? 2. How can I change my reaction that will make me feel okay about my body, despite his perception. For example, “Sure honey, whatever you say, I like my body and I am happy with it.” 3.What circumstances must I change? Remember our bodies may not be the same at 20 as it is a 40. As we age our body is befitting to our evolution and transformation of new experiences and changing values.

For more information about Ho’ano Wellness Counseling and Life Coaching services with Jennifer Andrea, visit

– the inner voice of guidance and teaching that is awakened within you as you develop the potentials of your Soul or Higher Self.

Heal Your Emotional Heart, Today

Heal Your Emotional Heart

Have you ever felt betrayed, hurt or disappointed by another person? Harboring feelings inflicted by another will keep us in a negative self-image because we begin to identify with what someone else has done or said to us. A few weeks ago I went to Hawaii to visit an old male friend who was interested in exploring our compatibility. We had an amazing first week together, then I started to notice little actions on his part that were not serving me. He became unreliable, unresponsive and distant. I responded by feeling hurt, stating my hurt and asking why this person was not showing up for me.

This person could not give me what I needed because he was going through some major healing of his own after a long relationship.Instead of finding love with him, I found a new love of myself in which I was able to say NO, change my reactions, and make decisions on the rest of the trip to take care of myself, not waiting for this person to show up. My past self would have felt rejected, hurt and dissapointed. But instead, I found myself recognizing that his traits and actions had no influence on who I know to be as a person and what I deserve. I changed when I least expected and feel stronger than ever in my ability to choose what supports me. 

By separating yourself from the pain and hurtful remarks inflicted upon by others, we are able to see it as a memory, and not hold on to the feeling which will only limit and sabotage us from living full and meaningful lives. In doing so, you change your vibration and create a new self-image, attracting relationships that will be loving and supportive. Instead of saying “I am hurt”, I am now saying “That did not serve me and I am okay to move on and surround myself with people that do.” As we reframe old beliefs with new ones, change what we think about what someone else’s remarks or actions mean, let go of toxic ties, forgive others and oneself, we are able to be happier whether we are with or without someone in our lives. The feeling is something we create. Our goal is to be left with the memory and no pain at all.

How Bodywork, Wellness Counseling and Heart Centered Therapy Services can support you in Healing your Emotional Heart.

I am so impressed by the courageousness of some of my clients who have sought out bodywork services with me in order to heal physical ailments that they know are associated with past emotional trauma.  Self-acceptance, being able to let go of the past, the ability to ask for what they need or to speak what is on their mind are just some of the positive new changes that I have witnessed. Bodywork also can allow for a safe and nurturing touch to enter one’s life, by releasing old aches associated with painful memories.

Wellness Counseling attracts healthy individuals who seek change, but are feeling stuck or can’t seem to stop unwanted behavior patterns. Wellness Counseling asks questions to help reframe thoughts, behaviors and circumstances in achieving what a person wants or how they want to perceive a situation or a part of thyself. Individuals who aspire toward further self-fulfillment, but do not require psychologcial services for treatment of diagnosable conditions. Tap into your higher self to find clarity and achieve what you want in life.

Heart Centered Therapy is a loving and gentle approach to emotional healing, holding profound insight into the “Psychology of the Human Heart.” HCT involves dialogue techniques that bring healing to our deepest spiritual-emotional wounds that have blocked us from realizing our full potential and purpose in life. The healing involves not only the individual, but everyone that has been involved in the trauma, embracing the immediate family, lineage, and the collective consciousness through transformation of the whole being.

To learn more about Wellness Counseling services offered by Jennifer Telford, please visit

Heart Centered Therapy services are also available. Please inquire within by visiting Hoano
Skype and phone sessions available.

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